I’m Back! Grappling with Epistemology and Thinking about Language in my Research

Last night while driving home and engaging in a family discussion on dreams, my children asked me: “Imma, in which language do you dream?” I answered immediately that I have no idea. I explained that I really can’t remember my dreams but that I do know that there are areas in which I think entirely in Hebrew (shopping, home life, pedagogy, literacy, school-life…) and areas in which I think exclusively in English (everything connected to research, methodology, theory, technical instructions…).

After 25 or so years living in Israel, my life takes place in two languages which are now fairly equal in terms of my competence. My PhD study is an interesting mix of the two, demonstrating that my hasty answer to my children, describing clear boundaries between the languages wasn’t exact.

In a discussion with Brenton Doecke at the beginning of my PhD journey, he urged me to emphasize the bilingual nature of my inquiry and not to leave language as a back drop in my research (as I did in my MEd thesis). At that time I did not fully understand this request and could only relate to having sections of text or even specific terms left in the Hebrew original alongside translation. Today I can see how language is a central element in my professional context, permeating all my actions and understandings. My language is heavily soaked with cultural significance.

Yesterday, in a Skype meeting with Graham Parr, my supervisor, we talked about the transcription and the translation of my interview tapes. We agreed that while translating sections of the conversations, I will have a wonderful opportunity to zoom in on the responses from my participants (and my own) and should be able to reach rich understandings of both content and context. We spoke about the importance of being sensitive to the place of my two languages in this study – how I translate my data, how I tell my own narratives of my practice and how important cultural or institutional concepts (whether they are translatable or not) are presented in my writing.

There are many cultural messages playing in my ears as I make decisions about which references to read and their status in the academic world. One of the questions I will need to explore is the place of Israeli researchers in my work.

This morning, I decided to try to clarify my thoughts on the epistemology of my research by rereading a book written in Hebrew:

Tuval-Mashiach, R., & Spector-Mersel, G. (Eds.). (2010). Narrative research: Theory, creation and interpretation. Jerusalem: Mofet and Magnes Press.

I decided to start with this reference as I have heard Gabriella Spector-Mersel explain the theories in many different forums and found them to be clear and accessible.  I must be honest in saying that although I have no trouble reading academic texts in Hebrew, I usually do it only when I have to. I read in Hebrew as a member of my doctoral writing group and read articles and book chapters as preparation for the sessions of the Qualitative research interest group meetings at the Mofet institute. Other than those occasions, I will usually choose English references. I am now becoming aware that this is not only because reading academic texts is still easier and quicker, it is also because of the cultural messages prominent in the academic world (and indeed in Israel as well), that Hebrew references are less important and influential than those written in English.

Embarking on the task, I was hoping that reading what I have heard Gabriella explain and translating the material slowly from Hebrew into English would help me understand more. I expected this exercise would give me ideas for entry points into writing about my own understandings of epistemology. As a result of this reading I found translation to be an interesting way of approaching a text. It slows down my reading and forces me to grapple with the dense carpet of terms involved. I cannot write a sentence until I reach some degree of understanding. Hearing things said (as familiar as they may be) in a different language, does indeed shed light on the ideas expressed. I remember I wrote about this here when I heard a lecture about the ideas of Dorothy Smith on Institutional Ethnography at Bar Ilan University and here after I first joined the interest groups on Action research and Narrative Inquiry at the Mofet Institute.  

Maybe I haven’t dealt much with epistemology but I have spent the morning thinking about language… and then again, much of what I have written is indeed connected to the nature of knowledge and its expression.

Thinking about writing… again…

This morning I got up early to reread the article I submitted to journal X about a month ago.

As I read I jotted a few points in the margins and identified a few issues I should work on. What surprised me though, was the intensity of the feeling that the text is far more complex than anything that I am capable of producing. My immediate reaction was to “tweet”:

“I just reread an article I wrote and submitted a month ago. Yet again I had the: “Did I really write that? I can’t do that again” feeling”.

I reread the article as I suggested that it be discussed by the Action Research and Self Study interest group I joined at the Mofet Institute. I desire feedback which will help me revise the article when it returns from the peer reviewers. I am interested in understanding more about how my work fits into the Israeli context of Action research. I am eager to be able to name the type of writing I am doing and to further pursue how it will eventually blend into my PhD thesis.

As it is I am stuck. I have not begun a new piece of writing since I submitted the article and submitted an abstract for the The Fifth Israeli Conference of  Qualitative Research.

Both of those events are essentialy unfinished and that  is somehow preventing me from producing something new. I suppose this is something other academics and writers experience.

This is always a complicated time of the year for me as a student. In Israeli terms I am mid year and running full steam (or trying to!) and the university, my supervisors and all are in Christmas mode, summer leave mode. I am trying hard to motivate myself to start writing a brand new section, something that will enliven me and push me further in the process.

Cartoon – Toondoo: http://www.toondoo.com/

 

Tickets bought, 11 weeks to go…

MP900390190

We are all so excited. This week we finalized our tickets to Australia and will fly out early in July. I can’t wait to spend significant time with family and also to have a bit of a holiday.

Of course there is no pleasure without business…

In the first two weeks of July I will be very busy attending the Education Winter School and the ALEA National Conference at the Melbourne Hilton hotel. I will present papers both at the Monash MERC day and at ALEA.

Some time in the third week I will present my PhD proposal to a confirmation panel. I am busy revising my proposal and am fairly happy with my progress at this stage. I must say that I am very grateful to both my supervisors for the excellent feedback they provided on my first draft. I have been noticing that their clear comments make it possible for me to systematically revisit my writing, think about what is missing and explore the changes which are required. I am managing to do this relatively calmly. Last week I had the opportunity to discuss this paper with  both GP & SB in a Skype conversation and that helped me probe the issues worrying me even further.  

The revision process is made up of rereading my text, thinking, becoming acquainted with suggested literature, playing around with new ideas, writing and rewriting.  I am lucky to have the Passover break to devote myself to this writing.

The more I read the more I find there is to read, I just wish I had more time to devote to this endeavor, I really do enjoy it!

Today I am a student… – more identity issues

I have written often about my varied roles and identities, and usually I concentrate on the struggle to devote enough time and energy to each role. When I am Nikki the teacher, I am constantly troubled that I  am not devoting enough time and / or effort to my PhD and when I do grab the time for my studies, I always have a nagging conscience that I’m not “working”.

Friday is usually my main PhD day – getting up at 4 am well before the family and throwing myself into whatever I’m supposed to be doing (my literature review at the moment). Yesterday I did something different. I got into the car at 6:30 am and drove all the way to Tel Aviv University, to join an Israeli forum for PhD students. The group is run under the auspices of the Tel Aviv sociology school but is open to other humanities research students. Yesterday there was an interesting session with Dr Nitza Berkovitch from Ben Gurion University.

The session was about building an academic career, in particular how, when and why to present at conferences. I gained a lot from the information supplied but also from just “being there”. I need these pushes every now and again. I need to say to myself: “Yes, Nikki, you really are a PhD student, you really are writing a doctorate…”. When I can stop and say these things to myself, I get tremendous pleasure from “being there”, feeling a student, acting as a student and even being able to imagine the day when I will be able to devote myself to research, teacher learning …

As soon as I sat down in the lecture room, organized in a circular fashion, I saw an ex-student of mine. I recognized her immediately, even though I haven’t seen her for 20 years and despite the fact that she was 11 and in grade 6 when I saw her last. When we left the room I approached her and said hello. She recognized me instantly and said “Nikki!”.

“You remember me?” I asked. “Of course” she replied, “I especially remember you reading books to us and I remember the question and answer box you made for us for our sex education lessons”.

I was happy to meet her and happy that there were things I did which were significant. However, the meeting did other things for me. The whole identity issue washed over me again – I came here as a student but even here I can’t be just  a PhD student. Maybe I should come to terms with the fact that my roles are so intertwined that they can’t ever be separated. When I am acting as a leader of professional learning, I am talking to the teachers as a colleague, as a teacher. When I am writing my doctorate, I am writing it as a researcher (still don’t feel comfortable with that title!) but also as a teacher and teacher educator.

Something else happened when I met my student, I also felt old – something I deal with every time I put my PhD hat on. How on earth can one of my grade 6 students be doing a PhD?

I walked away smiling happily. I had a wonderful day!

Bits and Pieces

I haven’t been around here (or my studies) for ages…

Work is extremely intensive and having three Professional Learning courses still going is keeping me more than busy. When I am exhausted after a full day at school and have to take the long drive to one of the Teacher PD centres, I try to tell myself that I am collecting experiences for my PhD.

I can say that the courses are going really well, and the comments and feedback I receive from the participants are excellent. When I finished the sessions in Z, most of the teachers told the staff of the centre that they are interested in an additional course next year. As I enjoyed the group I am happy about that and by then I should (must) have my ethics clearance so that the course will be included in my research – interviews, questionnaires and all).

I decided not to attend the sessions with Amanda Berry as I am taking two days off in two weeks time to attend the Israeli Qualitative Research Conference at Ben Gurion Uni in the south. The conference looks interesting and I am especially looking forward to hearing Prof Carolyn Ellis and Prof Arthur Bochner.

I’m sure the conference will give me a boost of energy and as I have both the Purim and the Passover holidays coming up, that is what I need. I am planning to lock myself away somewhere in the holidays (school maybe?) so that I can think, plan, read and write.

In addition, I am happy to announce that my proposal for Israel’s first International Conference on Academic Writing has been accepted! My paper “Teacher writing for Professional Learning” will appear on the program. The conference is in the Israeli summer, at the end of July.

Another new experience for me will be my first meeting with the group of 3 doctoral students that invited me to join their informal sessions. This group is based around academic writing and meets once every two months, each time in a different home. At each meeting, one member presents written texts for discussion and feedback. After my first meeting on Tuesday I will try to blog the experience. 

Finally, I am looking forward to a series of workshops being run by Monash for HDR students from all campuses. I have signed up as an online participant and once a month, on Fridays, I will have some live input and academic content and communications. Here it will be 2am Thursday night but… who cares?

Taking a few baby steps forward

When I see that my last post is from the end of August I feel that time is running away from me. We went back to school on the first of September and since then I have been on the run. I have been trying to get up at 4:00 am every morning in order to sit and work on my doctorate. I can’t say that it happens every day and there are days when I do get up but have some urgent assessment or planning to do for school and I do that. Most days I manage to take a few baby steps forward.  

I am working on three different things at once. My ethics application is being read by GP and I already know that there will be many changes made to it. I wanted to get the application in and authorized before starting this years’ courses but I understand now that that was unrealistic. Once I have the forms in, I need to send similar documents to the Israeli Department of Education, to get their approval too.

In the meanwhile, I have started working on the literature review, according to the recommendations in Destination Dissertation by Foss and Waters. I feel as though I am progressing and am enjoying the work so far.

In addition, I started teaching the first of my four professional learning groups yesterday. As part of my big effort to write a lot about my experiences with the groups, I returned to blogging this morning.

http://www.everystockphoto.com/photo.php?imageId=266493

http://www.everystockphoto.com/photo.php?imageId=266493

 

The clock is ticking all the time and I must write a new post, the one I got up to write, about my session yesterday.

An exciting telephone call

The other night I spoke to my thesis supervisor on the phone for the first time. Although we worked together on my thesis for almost a year and he both taught me one unit in the past and helped me publish an article, we have never met and never spoken on the phone. Distance learning is such an interesting phenomenon…

Talking on the phone is so different to email conversations which allow a slower pace, to stop and recollect your thoughts and present questions and answers in an organized fashion. As I have become accustomed to doing all of my professional “talking” in writing, I was quite nervous before the phone rang.

We had an interesting telephone conversation and I managed to gain a lot of interesting points to think about concerning my examiners’ reports and my thesis in general. Probably the most important part of the chat was that we began to discuss the where to from here??? questions.

It is now clear that the time has come to make the big decision about continuing my study as a doctoral student. If I’m going to do it there seems that there isn’t much point in waiting. My workload isn’t going to get any lighter in the near future. The framework will help me find the time for pursuing the journey I feel I must continue.

Decisions, decisions….

I’m off to the swimming pool for my last day of lifesaving duty. Autumn is well and truly here and it really is too cool to go into the water. Maybe I’ll be able to sit there alone for an hour or two to continue work on the article I am trying to edit.

Free images from: http://www.everystockphoto.com/photo.php?imageId=167861 and  http://www.everystockphoto.com/photo.php?imageId=251940